I stopped into Qdoba for something to eat today because I was on the side of town where they don't get what "Chee-pote-lay?" is and instead of being asked, as is standard practice at Chipotle, whether I would like guacamole, I had to beg for it on my sub-par vegetarian nachos (read: they have black beans on them) and was greeted with a raised eyebrow and admonished thus, "Uh, well, the thing is that it *trails off quietly under breath* costs a little more." I replied, "Yes, I'm aware." Since when was guacamole not extra? In fact, I refuse to go to a particular Mexican restaurant on the Artwalk on Santa Fe because they do not tell you when you ask for a miserly side of guacamole that they are going to charge you $3.00 for it. I wish I was exaggerating. I decided this afternoon that I'd had it with the eternal "Yes, but it costs more" being pounded into my head when fancy salsas were being piled on for free as long as you were coyly told to "say when." The woman in front of me asked for all four of the damn salsas! She didn't pay an extra cent. I wanted to know if guacamole, or more importantly, avocadoes, were really so dear in this day and age and whether salsa was indeed just being left in industrial sized cans by the side of the road with notes reading, "Free!" on them.
We all of course know that many things can affect the price of produce: weather, fires, locusts, killer bees, Fidel Castro faking being alive. However, how much does it all actually affect things? In an article by Tom Pfingsten of the North County Times, I find an interesting quote. ""In spite of all these natural disasters, we're still going to come in with a very healthy crop," said Guy Witney, California Avocado Commission industry affairs director. "The current on-tree crop is at least 325 million pounds of Hass, after the fires and wind." That's a decent amount of avocodoes, to the layperson. I just hope it's not all on one tree.
In addition, "Officials are projecting a crop of 350 million avocados next year, which would bring in about $330 million at the current price of $0.94 per pound. That's good news for consumers who like their guacamole." Indeed. Basically, even with the fires in California this year and any other natural disaster that has happened, the article informs me, the guacamole consumer, that I have to realize the crops are spread out statewide and any gaps are filled in by avocadoes imported from Mexico and Chile. So, basically, in the end consumers should not be paying more than .94 for an avocado and when a restaurant buys in bulk it should be cheaper. At the rate places like the restaurant on Santa Fe are going, they're all going to be sleeping in guacamole filled waterbed mattresses from the money they make from the mark-up. I think Che Guevara is looking down right now and trying to smack the shit out of places like Qdoba with a large piece of lettuce. I mean, you know the migrants who bring us our golden green fruit to mash up and dip our chips in are not seeing a cent of the mark-up. However, that's a different essay altogether.
Let's take a look at why salsa seems to be an all-you-can-eat slop-on condiment. More importantly, What's the cost comparison to the avocado? Am I just all agog for no reason and by the time I'm done with this essay will I have to recant my anger at having to be constantly reminded that "the guacamole is extra" because institutional cans of salsa, even just the basic kind, are so cheap I should actually just be eating out of them with a large spoon instead of patronizing the grocery store and wasting all my money on peanut butter, milk, bread and granola bars? Step into my salsa office, baby. www.winnipeggrocery.com, whose logo is a grocery bag running super fast, sporting a mustache and tennis shoes, reports that a 1.8 liter of "Salsa Compliments Medium Chunky" would run you $8.49 for one can which is a little less than a 2 liter of soda, but filled with what appears to be crappy type salsa. I imagine restaurants would want to get at least 10 of these, right? (Bearing in mind that, these days, you get fancy salsa for free but I couldn't find a price on those, possibly because those are just free to everyone.) Okay, so we'll round down to $80.00 for some salsa at My Pretend Taco Stand for the month. Don't forget, though, that, to make the guacamole, you have to mix a bit of said salsa into the mashed up avocado. This is obviously complicated and since the salsa touches the avocado, I think you should charge for it to or just not charge for either one.
I'm not really sure what conclusion I came to here. I failed my economics class in college for several reasons: 1)My professor had a very thick Indian accent and I had no idea what he was saying. Ever.; 2)He insisted on, as a way to connect with the class, using the Wu Tang Clan in extensive economic metaphors. This just further confused me because I didn't get what they had to do with economics and also he consistently called them the Wu Tang Gang; 3)I'm really shitty at math. I can add and subtract. Even then I check my work on a calculator. I was almost drawn into buying a Spiderman calculator in the dollar bin today because I don't own one except on my phone and I don't trust that thing.
I still think charging for guacamole is a scam. I also think if you don't know you're getting charged extra for it, you're an idiot. However, there should be some cap on how much you're allowed to charge. I love guacamole but I don't love it $3.00 worth. I suppose that's why I encouraged my friend to steal the sign depicting the woman off the women's bathroom at the rip-off restaurant. Somehow it leveled things out. Finally, I felt I had my money's worth.
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