drawing by Natalie Dee
A few months ago, I was snuffling in my huge glass of Arnold Palmer at our local hangout with my friend Ryan about my love life, or lack thereof, and he sighed and said, "You know, everyone pretty much admires you for your ability to just ask guys out." I looked up and said, "What? What are you talking about?" Ryan leaned on his hand and said, "Yeah, even Becky. Even Jana. They admire the fact that you always just ask a guy out." I wasn't feeling very confident and frankly nor have I ever considered my blunderiferous stumblings in walking up to men and vomiting out some sort of less than clever invite in their general direction particularly admirable. Compulsive, maybe. I've always looked at it as a way to just get shit out of the way. Why wait to do what I am just going to eventually do in some even more stupid, grandiose way when I can keep the retardation to a dull roar? The last time I asked out a guy, he worked in the very restaurant we were sitting in and we knew each other socially, but the night I decided to ask him out he was very busy so I just left a note that said, "Take me to the mixer. Call me. *insert my phone number here*" On my way out, I ran into him and he said hello. I informed him I left him a note and he said, "Oh, I like that. Cool." The next day, after leaving a movie, there was a message on my phone from him saying he'd be honored to go with me and just call him back with the details. Mind you, this is the first time this had actually worked in the history of Wendy's not-so-clever ruses of asking men out. It, in fact, was the first time someone had said yes. The story of what happened after that isn't important. However, I realized, maybe it was the confidence that was conveyed in the note that was part of what he found attractive about me and why he said yes. The lack of a question mark at the end and the presence of a period.
I suspect this really is similar to the Jedi Mind Trick, though I think I would rather call it the Jedi Mind Statement. It's not actually a trick though I can see why it would appear to be. It's simply a statement with a high concentration of focused energy behind it. I did the same thing with a claw machine in a Denny's several years ago. I walked up to it and loudly announced, "I'm going to get that blue dog out of here," and had absolutely no doubt in my mind about it. It all happened in one swift, continuous shining moment and it almost seemed as though the truckers sitting at the coffee counter were about to break out into applause as they all stared at me. I have that blue dog I called Napoleon to this day.
Since the claw machine and even the note bringing me the one yes to my compulsive habit of getting back up on the horse in my search for my life companion, I have had a few more failures, as humans often do. However, what I have come to learn with these experiences is that the confidence is not so much important when directed at someone else. It's important when it emanates from within you. It's as though it is a magnet, drawing people to you. You have to be able to sift through these people because not everyone who is drawn to it is desirable. However, it brings to you other people who believe in themselves, who are wonderful and are kindred spirits.
If I am silently admired for falling down, getting up, dusting myself off and climbing back up on my horse, I have just decided to take that as the ultimate compliment. Simply put, it is. I may feel lost at times but right now I do not and have not for awhile. I think it's possible to feel the effects of the Jedi Mind Statement from within yourself. No question mark. Just period.
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