I Wish I Had a Kite

It's times like the last few days when I wish I had a kite.

Surely, sending something decorative and beautiful kissed with a wish (though I'm having a bit of trouble believing in them right now) soaring up to meet the clouds could be a medicine for my soul.
I want to take a jar and my heart and soul inside of it, tightening the lid so they don't escape. I would place it on the grass next to me as I watched the big giant kite float about in the sky. Nothing would be inside me as I watched the kite and I could just...be.

Being emotionally exhausted, I can't decide whether or not to sleep. I don't want to but my body has to. There are repercussions for not sleeping. Severe ones. I have, in the last few days, gained my father back, thus repairing my heart in many ways, lost a chance at something wonderful and gotten insulted in hindsight, smashing the shit out of my heart in many other ways, which is a bit counter productive. I didn't get into the art show I really wanted to get into. It was really important to me and the man on the phone forgot to email me. When I called, he was very nonchalant about the whole thing, asking me to describe my work and said, "No, I don't see it i the show." It's a very prestigious gallery and they didn't even have a list of names so I had to rely on his guesstimate. On top of that my headphones broke when all I wanted to do was wallow in my music. Finally, today I found my iPod earbuds in my car after I fell out of the rolley chair at work and found out that one of my co-workers just decided to cross a shitload of my shifts off the calendar and take them for her own. Thanks. That's nice. Take money out of my fucking pocket, you bitch. You have two jobs. That's what I survive on when I'm not banking on people to maybe buy my art. Christ.

If this bitch takes my money, I can't buy a kite.

What is with people stealing from me? Ironically the only person who has given to me lately is the person who stole practically my entire life from me. It means a lot he is back but it is still stealing emotional energy from me.

Why won't the nurse for the epileptologist just return my call? I need to go through a consult with her so I can have a consult with my surgeon and get onto the table for my VNS implant. Please. Please. Someone just stop robbing me.

There is no wind anyway. So I can't fly a kite.

I don't know what to do.