My Mom is so encouraging.
I'm talking above and beyond the call of Mom duty.
I was just talking to her today because my friend Rachel got me to join this professional social network where people in suits and sticks up their butts take themselves way too seriously. It's like Myspace or Facebook for people with offices and briefcases that have no sense of humor except you can't play Scrabble (GASP!), leave comments or have a song on your page. It doesn't even support HTML so I couldn't even post my logo. Insert long drawn out sigh here.
Rachel thought we could shake things up a little and have fun with it. I'm not sure if Rachel knows that I have a penchant for filling things out (just not in duplicate or triplicate) so I'm always up for something like this as long as it isn't an internet dating service (I'm so done with that you could serve me on a platter with a side dish.) Rachel, it turns out, couldn't be as playful with it as she wanted to because she has an actual PhD (gooooooo Rachel!!) and is a professor. Apparently, she spotted some of her colleagues on there. Still, she was a bit silly with her profile. I, however, would not run into any of my colleagues on there and even if I did they would laugh their ass off and appreciate anything I put on there.
Back to my Mom and where I am telling her about my little venture with Rachel. I tell her I am mixing a little reality in with a lot of ridiculousness. I explain I have put in a lot of actual professional positions I have held, including my current baby company. I even put my awesome bumbly two years of college that seems a lifetime ago and the only things I really remember from it all are toward the end: a kick-ass film class and a life drawing class where I drew the nude model. The teacher exclaimed, passing by, "That's quite erotic!" Then I tell my Mom that I put that I went to Hamburger University and, in my research, I found out no one has ever obtained the McPhD.
As I checked out all the history of Hamburger University, I really wanted to be the first person to get a McPhD. I'm not sure if I would be a Doctor of Hamburgers or what but really, it would be a seriously cool book to write. The coolest part, though, is that my Mom, after I tell her this, says, "You're young, do it!" I pish toshed her and she persisted, saying, "Where is it?" I told her it was in some place like Elk Stink, Illinois or something similar but that they actually have a very pretty campus and 5000 students go through there every year! Wikipedia makes it sound very much like a breeding ground for mad scientists with mentions of labs and McDegrees, McMasters and the coveted McPhD (which I don't know if it is just due to lack of interest, embarrassment or "Seriously? you have a McPhD? sort of responses that scare people away and I'm the only person who is drawn toward those types of responses.) Yes, I would like to list Hamburger University on my resume. After all, the only scholarship I ever received was for $40,000. Not too shabby. And it was for a bionic part.
So maybe I'll look into it. It's possible I can cut the mustard.
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