I Like Big Cakes

Note: I just unearthed this as a message that I sent to a guy on OkCupid a few years ago. I painstakingly took the lyrics to "I Like Big Butts" to make cakes the theme because the guy liked cake. It took forever. No response from the recipient. If anyone ever asks me why I'm single again, I'll say it's because no one appreciates things like this. And, things like this...are AWESOME.

Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her cake.
It is so big. Yum! It looks like,
one of those rap guys' cupcakes.
But, yum! Y'know, who understands those rap guys? Wendy!
They only talk to her, because,
she looks like a total Cakemaker, 'kay?
I mean, her cakes, are just so tasty. Yum!
I can't believe it's just so round, it's like,
out there, I mean uh! Yum. Look!
It's just so ... cakey!

I like big cakes and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty cake
And a round cake in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull up forks
'Cause you notice she's got plates
Deep in the jeans she's wearin'
I'm hooked and I can't stop starin'
Oh baby, that apron you're wearin'
I pause, take yo pictcha'
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that cake you got makes
Ooh, rub all of that buttercream
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, cup me, cake me
'Cause you ain't that average groupy
I've seen her bakin'
T'hell with marinatin'
She's shake, make,
Got it goin' like a Easy Bake
I'm tired of onion rings
Sayin' cupcakes are the thing
Take the average cake fan and ask him that
She gotta pack much cake
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the cake? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to bake it! (Shake it!) bake it! (Shake it!)
Bake that tasty cake!
Baby got cake!

(LA cake with a Oakland frosting)
Baby got cake!
(LA cake with a Oakland frosting)

I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Betty Crocker
'Cause mixed cakes are made for jerks
I want 'em real thick and moist
So find that frosted double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that frosted perk
So I'm lookin' at Food Network
Rachel Rae teasin', frostin' with shows
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women with their cakes 'n plates
A word to the cake bakin' sistas, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna (caaaaake)
Til the break of dawn
Baby get it goin' on
A lot of SIMPS won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the dessert on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Cake it out!
Even lame boys got to shout
Baby got cake!

Baby got cake!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to females, Martha ain't got nothin'
to do with my selection. Ganache? Ha ha, only if shes got a warm cake ready right now.

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a cupcake in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you got cakes, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that cake
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the cake AIN'T gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So that guy says he's vegan
I'll take the cupcake he's leavin'*
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the chocolate cakes in the double ovens:
Your cakes are it, Miss Thing!
Give me frosting, I can't resist her
The spatula and bowl didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to diss
'Cause her cakes are on his list
He had game but he chose to leave 'em
And I pull up quick to eat 'em
So ladies, if the cake is round,
And you want a triple decker throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them cakey thoughts
Baby got cake!
Baby got cake!