At the head shop today, my co-worker, Richard, ordered me to go home, chill out and watch the Olympics. He had orders from me to go to the best taqueria in town, located inside a sketchy but awesome mercado, home to a metal, paint-flaking chicken machine that is most likely a decade older than I am. For the cost of two quarters or four bits, you get the chicken to loudly bawk bawk bawk and turn on its metal rod as it lays an egg that most likely contains a small plastic fairy with a birth defect of the face.
So of course I held up my end of the deal but you can't watch the Olympics alone. Enter Ryan Talbot who, appropriately (see his MySpace if you don't get the punchline) makes a better door than a window. I just had to poke him now and again sharply with one of three remotes that operate the one television I own that is merely hooked up to a PS2 that plays DVD's like it's scratching on a turntable. I wish I could hook up the DVD player but we're lucky the PS2 is hooked up. My Mom gets big ups for that and knowing what input and output and coaxial mean. *Insert Peanuts adult speak here*
We both thought the interview Bob Costas did with President Bush was stellar. Mostly because Bob Costas is so cool that he was just slightly above asking Dubya how to spell "cat" because clearly our leader was terrified the Chinese were going to dump a crap ton of Sesame Chicken in his bed while he was away, trying his hardest, clenching the air (he didn't even think to bring his own pencil), announcing that "America has no problems" and "China should just accept religion." We also got a nice shot of a replay in which Prime Minister Putin stood in front of a tortured Mrs. Bush with his ass in her face while in conversation with her husband.
Note: Beverly Hills Chihuahua will be coming to a theatre near you October 3rd. You should probably check for midnight showings and buy tickets ahead of time.
Just so you know, this paragraph would have been really funny and about Michael Phelps but a gag order on ha ha's about the famous, alleged oily bo hunk swimmer has been put in place by Ryan "Goobleygook" Talbot, who can't even get slang correct. "This paragraph is harder for me to read than it is to understand my mumbling,"--Ryan Talbot.
*cough*
Words that are awesome at the Olympics so far: *Breaststroker *Titular *Wingspan *Stroke *Lengths *Peirsol *Heat *Ready Room
If anything else good happens, I'll let you know. I mean, other than Ryan re-attaching the chain to the thing that makes my toilet flush. Also, Papa Johns doesn't mind if you tip them in quarters.
blubeard11: hey neighbor Wendy York: hey...do you live in my building? blubeard11: I don't know blubeard11: all I know is you live in greeley with me blubeard11: where do you live in town? Wendy York: near the university blubeard11: im near the mall, U? blubeard11: well u in college ? Wendy York: no blubeard11: your profile says your not looking ?? why not? blubeard11: you get to meet all sorts of neat guys online Wendy York: oh i know. blubeard11: I just turned 47 don't know what im looking for Wendy York: that's why i'm not looking blubeard11: im off college for the summer, just kicking back with some beers and swimming in the pool Wendy York: you're in college? blubeard11: yes blubeard11: I have 8 more classes and I graduate Wendy York: congratulations blubeard11: for an associates degree and a few computer certificates Wendy York: and what will you be doing after college, young man? blubeard11: then its more classes at aims, then last year online at a 4 year college Wendy York: and then? Wendy York: what then? blubeard11: well should get a good job in IT Wendy York: should? blubeard11: well the market should be better by then Wendy York: you've got to have a plan in this high paced world Wendy York: the market? Wendy York: what's that got to do with it? blubeard11: well running a server / servers is a good paying job Wendy York: yes but it's competitive blubeard11: the job market Wendy York: it's going to get more competitive blubeard11: yes and I have a better chance getting into a job with a ba than an assoc. Wendy York: you've got all these whippersnappers to contend with too blubeard11: well I hope to get some experence as im going to college Wendy York: yes but ...i hate to say it. companies are ageist blubeard11: companies are aganst what Wendy York: ageist Wendy York: they are ageist Wendy York: always have been blubeard11: well older people are more apt to stay with a company instead of looking for a better one blubeard11: like the younger crowd does blubeard11: so what do you do for a living blubeard11: ??????? Wendy York: true. and i'm not trying to discourage you but they will have to pay you a 401k a lot sooner than freshy fresh spring chicken over there. Wendy York: i am a visual artist and a writer blubeard11: that's an interesting job Wendy York: you have NO idea blubeard11: nope, ive worked for binderies and mailing houses, not for the printers Wendy York: i don't work for printers blubeard11: ok Wendy York: well kind of Wendy York: i am a slave to my photo printers Wendy York: i have experience in binding too Wendy York: it's kind of a bitch blubeard11: binderies don't pay that much unless you run the machines Wendy York: oh i worked for a large corporation that merged with a shipping company blubeard11: cool Wendy York: then one day i was trying to manually bind something with a wooden cover and it was the last straw blubeard11: ive mostly worked for mom and pop shops Wendy York: and i walked out Wendy York: so why the career change? blubeard11: ive always been good with computers Wendy York: why didn't you become a massage therapist? Wendy York: i hear that's a big field blubeard11: don't have the wrists for it Wendy York: but you have to have wrists for computer work.....? Wendy York: you're going to get carpal tunnel syndrome Wendy York: and you won't be able to hold your beers blubeard11: well hopfully I wont have to do much typing Wendy York: um. Wendy York: so do you magically meld things? Wendy York: are you uri geller?!!! blubeard11: lol nope Wendy York: right. he worked with spoons and was a fake anyway blubeard11: ok Wendy York: what if you took an online course in medical billing? Wendy York: you could work from home blubeard11: ive done medical billing before Wendy York: why did you leave that?! i hear that's a cash cow! Wendy York: you can work in your underpants! blubeard11: it was for a mom and pop shop blubeard11: they didn't have the machines Wendy York: what machine? blubeard11: to insert the bill into the envelope Wendy York: that's just stupid blubeard11: I know how to run those Wendy York: it sounds like these mom and pop shops are screwing you over Wendy York: they're holding you back blubeard11: yes, they don't pay much Wendy York: you could have all the cash blubeard11: that's why im going for IT Wendy York: no man. Wendy York: you just need to start your own business with the medical billing Wendy York: get the machine Wendy York: work at 2 am if you want blubeard11: that's an expensive machine Wendy York: well then hire some kid to lick the envelopes Wendy York: they're machines anyway blubeard11: lol Wendy York: what? Wendy York: they are Wendy York: they have unending energy Wendy York: harness it blubeard11: I get bills from doctors all the time, they farm it out to the mailing companys to insert the bill into the envelope Wendy York: well you don't NEED the machine Wendy York: see! i just saved you tons of money and you don't have to have a kid around blubeard11: I don't know who needs medical billing, they all seem to have it covered Wendy York: no! they don't! it's blowing up! Wendy York: sick people are everywhere Wendy York: people are sicker than ever before blubeard11: ill look into medical billing Wendy York: yeah. old people are about to get older blubeard11: don't know of any hospital looking for help in that area Wendy York: no. doctor's offices blubeard11: I used to look up icd-9 codes for billing of the patient Wendy York: iced tea 9? blubeard11: hot pack, massage, etc ... has icd 9 codes blubeard11: that's medical coding Wendy York: see. you're already trained Wendy York: you just need to find out how to find contracts. blubeard11: well I don't have the icd-9 book to code from Wendy York: you're just all over the place Wendy York: you can buy them. they're 63.95. Wendy York: you should do it blubeard11: why don't you do it, if it is that great Wendy York: because i'm an artist blubeard11: then maybe we can go into business together Wendy York: uh. i'm a loner. a rebel. you don't want to get mixed up with me. blubeard11: even loners need company now and again blubeard11: lol Wendy York: no they don't. that's the definition of a loner. Wendy York: i can order everything from the intraweb Wendy York: the least amount of contact with the rest of the population the better Wendy York: unless they happen to be a cowboy Wendy York: a real one Wendy York: i need to talk to one of those Wendy York: but i digress blubeard11: hummmm tight pointy shoes, tight pants, big belt buckle, ill pass, but im still a nice guy Wendy York: do you ride the range? Wendy York: on a horse? Wendy York: do you lasso things? blubeard11: no, I have rode a horse before Wendy York: but is it your JOB? blubeard11: nope Wendy York: ok blubeard11: you want you a rich cowboy Wendy York: no. Wendy York: it's for research purposes Wendy York: cowboys don't tend to be rich Wendy York: also they are loners blubeard11: oh, sorry don't know of anyone that has that job title Wendy York: it's cool Wendy York: you just walk YOUR line and you will be alright blubeard11: true Wendy York: stay away from the mom and pop shops. they appear nice and quaint but they are just out to bamboozle you with their lack of envelope machines Wendy York: who does that? how do they operate? Wendy York: sickies blubeard11: well they also teach you more than one maching to run making you more in demand for the company blubeard11: that's the only good they have going for them Wendy York: at the mom and pop shop? you're in demand at the "company?" blubeard11: I cant stand 8 hours a day anymore. that's why I picked a sit down job, one with computers Wendy York: do you have glasses? blubeard11: no Wendy York: prepare to get them blubeard11: I only need glasses for fine print Wendy York: nope. eye strain is in your future, mr. Wendy York: it will start with squinting blubeard11: pop a few asprin and good to go blubeard11: lol Wendy York: you can't fix eyes with aspirin Wendy York: who told you that? mom and pop? blubeard11: no. you get migraines from squining, that's what the asprin is for Wendy York: yes and then after that you need glasses Wendy York: that's what happened to me in the third grade blubeard11: dang blubeard11: are you a hottie even with glasses ? Wendy York: i normally wear glasses blubeard11: nothing wrong with that Wendy York: no Wendy York: i buy the sample glasses at dr's offices to wear over my contacts for accessories sometimes Wendy York: sometimes i just wear contacts blubeard11: that's cool Wendy York: again. i digress Wendy York: america's best is a good place to go Wendy York: if you don't have eye insurance Wendy York: just so you have things to think about if you're going to be staring at computers all day Wendy York: it's inevitable blubeard11: yep Wendy York: okay. Wendy York: to recap Wendy York: what's the plan? blubeard11: go to college for medical billing Wendy York: i thought you already knew it? blubeard11: find contacts who need medical billing blubeard11: start own business Wendy York: roll around in cash blubeard11: ill check into it, I don't know how big of a need that there is, but ill check Wendy York: there's a HUGE need Wendy York: you're going to think "thank god i talked to that artist!" blubeard11: ill check into it blubeard11: I can do it part time while going to college Wendy York: you need more of a "can do" attitude Wendy York: there you go Wendy York: now off into the world with a fresh face! blubeard11: so why are you not doing it parttime Wendy York: i don't have time to do it and i'm an artist Wendy York: and a writer Wendy York: no interest Wendy York: remember? blubeard11: no interest in making the big cash? Wendy York: how do you know i'm NOT making the big cash? Wendy York: you know what happens when we assume? blubeard11: yes Wendy York: consider that a lesson learned. Wendy York: except you didn't make an ass out of me.
Note: This took place before my name change in case of any confusion.
montanamountainman39: hi Wendy Liddell: hi montanamountainman39: what u up too Wendy Liddell: flipping through a magazine montanamountainman39: cool montanamountainman39: am just relaxing in the hottub on my deck Wendy Liddell: my magazine would get wet in there montanamountainman39: yes Wendy Liddell: i just got it so i shouldn’t get in montanamountainman39: sure get in montanamountainman39: my neibor lady is watching me from her back window Wendy Liddell: but i have this magazine Wendy Liddell: do you want me to wave to her? montanamountainman39: sure Wendy Liddell: *waves* montanamountainman39: she reading the paper montanamountainman39: i have my swimming trunks on Wendy Liddell: man what a bitch. she didn’t wave back Wendy Liddell: *shakes fist* montanamountainman39: should i tease her Wendy Liddell: no Wendy Liddell: i have a better idea montanamountainman39: what Wendy Liddell: do you have a lighter? montanamountainman39: nope Wendy Liddell: crap montanamountainman39: why is that Wendy Liddell: oh i found one in my purse! Wendy Liddell: yes! Wendy Liddell: follow me over by the fence montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: act really casual Wendy Liddell: like we’re going to say hi montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: but run as soon as i do Wendy Liddell: what’s her name? montanamountainman39: idont no montanamountainman39: never met her Wendy Liddell: okay i’ll just say ma’am Wendy Liddell: let’s go! *strolls over to the fence* Wendy Liddell: "hello, ma’am, how’s your morning going?" Wendy Liddell: she’s totally NOT answering me! Wendy Liddell: whore! montanamountainman39: yes Wendy Liddell: "let me warm up that coffee for you!" Wendy Liddell: *lights magazine on fire and throws it onto womans newspaper* Wendy Liddell: RUN! montanamountainman39: your mean Wendy Liddell: dude no i’m not Wendy Liddell: she’s impolite! montanamountainman39: am going to stnd up and take mr trunks off montanamountainman39: tease her Wendy Liddell: that’s mean AND impolite Wendy Liddell: *lights pubic hair on fire* montanamountainman39: what Wendy Liddell: stop drop and roll! Wendy Liddell: do it! Wendy Liddell: you’re going to get really burned! Wendy Liddell: mr. trunks is going to catch fire! montanamountainman39: my trunks are off now Wendy Liddell: thank goodness, mr. trunks! montanamountainman39: now what u want me to do Wendy Liddell: well you need some sort of moisture on there. you let that fire go pretty long Wendy Liddell: *applies some Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean lotion to burned area* Wendy Liddell: there! Wendy Liddell: sorry i know that stings Wendy Liddell: but i don’t have anything unscented Wendy Liddell: but now you smell like a burned cookie! montanamountainman39: will u apply for me Wendy Liddell: again? montanamountainman39: what Wendy Liddell: I already put a massive amount on your burn montanamountainman39: rub it around little bit for me Wendy Liddell: it’s going to hurt... montanamountainman39: thats okay Wendy Liddell: oh shit Wendy Liddell: some skin just came off Wendy Liddell: um Wendy Liddell: this is really awkward Wendy Liddell: but...where do you want this? Wendy Liddell: *holds bit of skin out* montanamountainman39: rub it all over Wendy Liddell: the burned skin?!!! Wendy Liddell: that came off?!! Wendy Liddell: okay...i guess.. montanamountainman39: where ever u wnat too Wendy Liddell: so you like being rubbed with your own burned skin? Wendy Liddell: *rubs you with your own burned skin* montanamountainman39: with lotion Wendy Liddell: okay i’ll put lotion on it Wendy Liddell: *puts lotion on piece of burned skin and rubs you with it* montanamountainman39: feels good Wendy Liddell: *looks away and tries to think of kittens* montanamountainman39: feels good Wendy Liddell: *hums* montanamountainman39: rub the head too okay Wendy Liddell: *rubs my head* Wendy Liddell: isn’t my hair pretty? montanamountainman39: yes montanamountainman39: feels good Wendy Liddell: i just washed it Wendy Liddell: you should smell it montanamountainman39: okay montanamountainman39: smells good Wendy Liddell: what does it smell like? montanamountainman39: strawberry Wendy Liddell: that’s so weird! i wash it with strawberry and yogurt puree! montanamountainman39: does my burn look better Wendy Liddell: *throws piece of burned skin in hot tub* Wendy Liddell: uh... montanamountainman39: take a closer look Wendy Liddell: you should keep an eye on it montanamountainman39: it need more lotion Wendy Liddell: you don’t want to irritate it Wendy Liddell: especially since it’s not the right kind of ointment Wendy Liddell: it’s all i had in my purse montanamountainman39: what kind is it Wendy Liddell: *shows you bottle of Bath and Body Works Vanilla Bean Lotion* Wendy Liddell: remember when I said you smelled like a burned cookie? montanamountainman39: yes Wendy Liddell: this is why! montanamountainman39: rub the head of my cock little bit Wendy Liddell: you should pay attention Wendy Liddell: *grabs a branch and whips you on your burn* Wendy Liddell: i’m taking mr. trunks and going home montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: unless you can use your manners montanamountainman39: u dont want to take a tub with me Wendy Liddell: i don’t have room for a tub in my car montanamountainman39: take off your clothes and jump in her with me Wendy Liddell: no thanks. i found another magazine to read Wendy Liddell: mr. trunks and i are going to go. Wendy Liddell: you want to come get some ice cream with us? montanamountainman39: bring it back to me Wendy Liddell: no way. you didn’t even say please Wendy Liddell: we’re going Wendy Liddell: you can come or stay here Wendy Liddell: your choice Wendy Liddell: we’re getting sprinkles... montanamountainman39: am going to go watch a movie Wendy Liddell: ok fine. Wendy Liddell: we’ll be at the ice cream parlour if you need us montanamountainman39: all thins talk got me worked up Wendy Liddell: yeah you need to settle down Wendy Liddell: watching that movie might help montanamountainman39: i need to go relieve some tention Wendy Liddell: ok take a nap and we’ll go get some ice cream Wendy Liddell: see you later burned alligator montanamountainman39: would u like to join me Wendy Liddell: no thanks i’m getting ice cream with mr. trunks montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: i have a previous engagement Wendy Liddell: it wouldn’t be polite to break it montanamountainman39: with who Wendy Liddell: mr. trunks montanamountainman39: your funny Wendy Liddell: what? Wendy Liddell: manners are not funny montanamountainman39: okay have fun Wendy Liddell: i take them very seriously Wendy Liddell: enjoy your nap montanamountainman39: i need to go rub one out montanamountainman39: have u cum yet the morning Wendy Liddell: yes i’m here aren’t i? Wendy Liddell: *puts hand over mouth* Wendy Liddell: do you have short term memory loss? Wendy Liddell: i’m so sorry Wendy Liddell: you have a MASSAGE scheduled Wendy Liddell: AND a NAP montanamountainman39: yes montanamountainman39: u wnat to massage me Wendy Liddell: no, dear, i’m not the massage therapist Wendy Liddell: i’m the one who made you smell like a burned cookie Wendy Liddell: someone else is going to rub you out Wendy Liddell: ok? Wendy Liddell: mr. trunks and i are going for ice cream Wendy Liddell: you were going to watch a movie Wendy Liddell: get a massage Wendy Liddell: and take a nap montanamountainman39: yes Wendy Liddell: excellent Wendy Liddell: sounds like a good day Wendy Liddell: mr. trunks and i will talk to you later on the telephone Wendy Liddell: it will ring Wendy Liddell: you pick it up Wendy Liddell: okay? montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: okay Wendy Liddell: good Wendy Liddell: talk to you then montanamountainman39: okay Wendy Liddell: *waves as door closes*
peoplefolk: mmm. heh heh. wish you were in massachussetts. Wendy York: oh i would just spend all my time at dunkin donuts peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: that iced coffee is wicked addictive peoplefolk: how come in the MA chatroom? peoplefolk: visiting here often? Wendy York: oh i have a friend who lives there Wendy York: so i suppose it's nostalgia peoplefolk: ahhh i see peoplefolk: 25 year old male here peoplefolk: mnd a younger male? peoplefolk: =) Wendy York: i'll talk to almost anyone as long as they're not a jerk peoplefolk: awsome peoplefolk: im no jerk peoplefolk: i can be a horny bastard of course peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: but no jerk Wendy York: oh! well i'm a librarian! peoplefolk: mmm peoplefolk: fucking hot peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: hey now. i AM a lady peoplefolk: awww peoplefolk: dont like vulgarness? peoplefolk: hehe Wendy York: i don't think that's a word, mr. peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: prolly not peoplefolk: but i type whatever peoplefolk: hehe Wendy York: indeed peoplefolk: im sure u understand it =) Wendy York: about 90% peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: good enough peoplefolk: r u singlee? Wendy York: singlee? Wendy York: is that the slang kids are using these days? peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: nooo Wendy York: god i feel old peoplefolk: i just put extra letters silly peoplefolk: ive been usuing yahoo for ages Wendy York: well duh peoplefolk: same ol chat gets boring peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: so i have fun with it noww peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: unique Wendy York: i'm just 30, not stupid lol Wendy York: ohh unique peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: 30 and sexy peoplefolk: yum Wendy York: do you like grilled cheeses? peoplefolk: of course peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: what about with bacon? peoplefolk: sure Wendy York: potato chips on it? peoplefolk: never tried that Wendy York: it's super good peoplefolk: yum peoplefolk: hehe Wendy York: you have to get the thick cut bacon though Wendy York: not that wimpy bacon Wendy York: you never want wimpy meat peoplefolk: lol i see peoplefolk: do u like big meat? peoplefolk: peoplefolk: j/k Wendy York: sometimes but i usually have to split it with someone peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: like my friend and i...we usually split our meat because we just like to do that Wendy York: neither of us really wants the whole thing peoplefolk: hahha Wendy York: so we split it peoplefolk: hwo big is this meat? peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: well it depends. peoplefolk: on?/// Wendy York: every meat is different Wendy York: so of course it's going to vary peoplefolk: truee hehe peoplefolk: why not have it all for yourself? Wendy York: well we enjoy sharing for one, and also there's just always so much meat Wendy York: when we share, it fills us both up peoplefolk: perhaps u can have my meat? Wendy York: it's a win win Wendy York: oh well we don't like to steal people's meat peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: u can borrow Wendy York: well we can't give it back Wendy York: once it's gone it's gone Wendy York: it's like how people say, "can i borrow a kleenex? peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: i'm like, "you can have it" Wendy York: i don't want their snotties back peoplefolk: r u home now? or in the library? Wendy York: oh, home. our computers at the library don't allow chat and all that. peoplefolk: ooo peoplefolk: home alone sexy ass? Wendy York: it's my day off peoplefolk: hehe Wendy York: oh no. my roommate is here. peoplefolk: awww Wendy York: oh she's nice peoplefolk: can i still come by and get naked even though shes there? peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: um. *scratches head* peoplefolk: ill just sit next to ya naked while u chat Wendy York: well alicia is a stripper peoplefolk: ooo nice name peoplefolk: sounds like and old time name peoplefolk: haha Wendy York: well she's forty-two Wendy York: but i don't think of that as old time peoplefolk: ooo older than u huh Wendy York: yes peoplefolk: she as hot as u? hehe Wendy York: i suppose. her boyfriend thinks so i'm sure peoplefolk: damn Wendy York: what? peoplefolk: boyfriends peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: oh were you going to fly in from massacussetts and woo felicia? Wendy York: lol peoplefolk: hahhaa peoplefolk: you and alicia peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: oh well i have someone hot on my tail as well peoplefolk: alicia a busty gal? Wendy York: not particularly, no Wendy York: she's very tall and lithe peoplefolk: i see, your the busty one hehe peoplefolk: Wendy York: busty? peoplefolk: your the one id like Wendy York: have you been reading pulp novels? peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: yes Wendy York: do you know what pulp novels are? peoplefolk: no peoplefolk: haha Wendy York: well you sound like a character from one Wendy York: especially with the drool peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: which one? Wendy York: what? peoplefolk: nevermind Wendy York: which pulp novel? they made like zillions peoplefolk: may i ask what ur wearing right now? Wendy York: no peoplefolk: yes peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: no peoplefolk: yes =) Wendy York: no peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: i'm wearing toe nail polish peoplefolk: mmm peoplefolk: no panties huh? peoplefolk: hehe Wendy York: i never said that Wendy York: you shouldn't assume peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: *whacks with newspaper* Wendy York: manners! peoplefolk: mmm peoplefolk: wack my ass if u want Wendy York: no peoplefolk: yes Wendy York: no peoplefolk: ill just smack yours then Wendy York: no peoplefolk: when ur back is turned peoplefolk: cant stop me Wendy York: you should mind your manners and be a little more smooth Wendy York: 'you need to learn finesse with the ladies peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: not just run up to them with my pants around my ankles? Wendy York: that would be a negatory peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: works around here Wendy York: oh! the "mass" of sluts? peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: plus you're lying! Wendy York: you shouldn't lie to women peoplefolk: haha i am lying peoplefolk: i dont do that peoplefolk: would love to peoplefolk: but dont Wendy York: *raises eyebrows* Wendy York: do you know what a donkey punch is? peoplefolk: ive heard diff things peoplefolk: whats urs? Wendy York: well, i don't give it the sexual connotation. i just punch you in the back of the neck peoplefolk: lol peoplefolk: nooo Wendy York: yup peoplefolk: thats not how it goes Wendy York: well that's what i'm going to do peoplefolk: meany peoplefolk: that would hurt Wendy York: liar Wendy York: bad manners peoplefolk: i dont want to inflict pain on people peoplefolk: bad manners dont cause pain silly Wendy York: yes they can peoplefolk: not like a donkey punch in my damn neck peoplefolk: lol Wendy York: do you know how to whistle? Wendy York: well. do you? Wendy York: i enjoy a good tune that's whistled Wendy York: oh alicia. Wendy York: what a pussy Wendy York: and he had bad manners Wendy York: and he totally believed every word i said.
Not only is she funny and interesting but we somehow seem to be on the same plane on a lot of things. I don't feel like such a square peg around her because she feels like a kindred spirit in so many ways.
We were talking about relationships recently. Gioja is recently married to a very wonderful man and I have just started seeing a very wonderful man. If you've read even a small amount of my writing, you, of course, know that this is something that I consider a gift.
As Gioja and I were talking, I was saying how time seems to be going by at a leisurely pace with my new beau. Nothing seems hurried and I don't question or overanalyze anything with him. It is what it is and I constantly find myself thinking, "Wow, that's so awesome he said that because that's exactly how I feel." Or vice versa. We were discussing something recently and he said, "Yeah, I was thinking about that, too." This makes me very happy that we are so aligned and on the same page, that I don't have to keep checking in and logging notes and pulling teeth and blah blah blah. It just works. The pieces fit. And so we are. However, on paper, one might scratch their head and say, "Well, gee, they're moving kind of fast." Sucks to them.
When I mentioned to Gioja how it seemed to be such a leisurely pace and yet in real time it really hadn't been that long, she said, "Yeah, I went over to Jared's house for the first time and from there I just kind of moved in." I can see her point. I grew up thinking there was this formula that everyone had to follow: boy asks girl on date, boy and girl date for at least 5 to 6 dates then go on weekend vacation, boy and girl are official couple, boy and girl start attending functions together as couple, boy and girl date more, (at this point a year has passed), boy and girl go on kind of large vacation together/move in together, boy and girl get animal such as dog or cat together, boy asks girl to marry him, girl flashes ring for year and annoys the hell out of friends but friends grin and bear it, relationship goes all to hell because girl thought ring was prize and didn't know marriage was the beginning not the end. This formula may work or seem to work a large part of the population. However, I think Gioja is onto something. She also prefaced her comment with, "Jared and I just skipped the whole dating thing." Not that they don't make time for date nights. They totally do and I think that's fantastic. They still "date" each other even though they are married. They court each other and basically think one another is the best thing since sliced bread. Possibly before that.
I think there is a part of the population that just doesn't fit into that stupid formula and we function just fine without it. Its deep-rooted presence in society, however, makes your life hell for years because why don't you fit into the formula? and where is your 90210 romance? and why don't the boys say yes when you ask them out, don't they like that? and why can't I find the right haircut or say the right thing? are all questions and ideals you grow up with and when it just doesn't work, you want to pull your hair out. When you finally meet the person you just fall in so easily with that you don't overanalyze things, spending time with them is not like a freakshow job interview and they don't belong in the annals of bad date blogdom. Instead, it's like Gioja put it. I just feel like I blinked and then there he was and now a bit of time has passed and I've adored every second of it.
Gioja and her husband make up 2/3 of the band The Green Typewriters (check out their Myspace page and definitely go to a show.) The other night I was at their house and they were just kind of jamming out and encouraged me to play with them even though I don't know how to play a musical instrument, yet. Their theory is that if you pick it up and play it, you might find a cool noise. I chose the xylophone. Whatever I sounded like, it didn't matter. I rocked that xylophone and I wasn't afraid of how I sounded. That's how I'm going into this relationship. I'm not taking any of my past rejections and projecting them onto this one. I'm going to rock it like I did that xylophone and see all the cool things that come out of it.
I'm making beautiful music and it's just going to keep on going.
Gee. I didn't think he would put it on a t-shirt. I'm really flattered! Rather than copy him and be stupid and get a "Jimmy Fallon was here" with an arrow pointing down t-shirt, I think I'll just put this on a t-shirt. That's right. Bragging rights.
Thanks, Jimmy Fallon. I heart you, too!
But seriously, folks...
I'm always fascinated when I see things like this. I am entranced by this picture. I know he bought it. Or some wardrobe person gave it to him to wear. Is it like buying a license plate for your bike? Were there Jessicas, Shirleys, Allisons, Annes, Kellys, Peggys, Janets, Susans, Melissas, etc. to pick from and someone, maybe even Jimmy himself said, no, no, nuh-uh, nope, meh, eh, no, not even!, nooo, etc. until he saw the only Wendy left on the rack? (There's rarely A Wendy on the rack, let alone any Wendy on the rack, just to let you know. I can't remember having a keychain with a tiny license plate with my name on it or a license plate for my bike as a kid or any sort of memorabilia except a Mickey Mouse ears hat but they sew your name on right there and well, my high school nickname was Weiner so I had them sew that on there. Trust me, you'll never find a Weiner. Well, maybe in Jimmy Fallon's pants. But that's another story.)
I don't know. Maybe guys are different or I'm different but I wouldn't wear a shirt like that because then I'd be constantly thinking, "People think someone named Wendy was here." I get that it's a joke but you know, who the hell and why the hell...Wendy? I'm especially fascinated because it's my name and I love things with my name on it, especially if it implies I was somehow sexually involved with Jimmy Fallon. There's not too many of us Wendys out there. Not as many as say the names I read off above. Or like other names. The Kaylees are taking over pretty soon. They're growing up pretty fast. But their name is too long to look good on a shirt like that. Take that, Kaylees! You will never be implicated in a sexual daliance with Jimmy Fallon. Also, he would get arrested because you're pretty young.
(Okay, I'll settle down now and stop being intense. Am I being intense? Michael told me I get intense, which I agree with on some points but now I'm trying to tone it down a little which is making me more intense sometimes. It's kind of like when someone who is freaked out by your driving is in the car and you drive worse because they make you nervous, thus proving their point to them but otherwise you're a good driver because you can relax.)
All I have to say is: I'm awesome! Let's hear it for the Wendys! Especially this one!! (I don't know other ones!)
This one was not a pocket call, though. Here's how it went down.
My Mom and I were in the car (I can't wait until June when I can start typing "I was driving down the street" again) and I remembered I needed to call Jeff Crabtree of Crabtree Brewing here in Greeley (you should go try the Serenity--it's the bestest!) I had forgotten to write down their phone number off of their web site though and information refuses to acknowledge their existence even though my friends and I are clearly aware of it. But I digress (I later found out it was in information under Mr. Crabtree's name after a lightbulb went off in my head.)
I thought I remembered it but couldn't remember if it was a 353 or a 356 prefix. I figured I'd try both. I tried the 356 prefix first and got a voicemail with one of those messages telling you that you have reached the number you dialed (thanks, Mr. Phone!) and I was like, nope, not that one and disconnected. I tried the 353 prefix and a Chinese man answered. A very cranky Chinese man. He was demanding to know who I was and rapid firing questions at me so fast that I became very intimidated and just blurted out, "I dialed the wrong number! I'm sorry!" and disconnected again.
Then my phone rang. It came up as Unknown.
I knew who this was. It was the 356 prefix doing the "Who is this?" call back. We've all done it to sate our curiosity but usually when the person doesn't answer we move on with our life. We don't leave a message. We don't...well, you'll see.
Unknown left a message. A long one: "Hi..Someone from this number called my phone and I don't know you but you called me and this is Amy but you might have been trying to reach my husband David...soooo...um, yeah." She sounded confused but fairly cheerful. Although not the type of person I would trust. Amy sounds like she hides under her cheer. As was indicative in yes, our further interaction.
Amy sounded particularly weirded out by my hang up call so I thought I would call back and let her know I had mis-dialed. I figured it would be the nice thing to do. There was a conversation. A confusing one: "Hi! Is this Amy?"
"Yes."
"Oh, this is Wendy. I called your phone earlier. I actually was trying to call another number and I just wanted to let you know. Sorry."
Sidebar: She is going to use a nickname for her husband which I never understood so we will just call him Boolicious.
"You weren't trying to get hold of Boolicious?"
"What?"
"Boolicious."
"I don't know what that is."
"Some people know my husband by that. It's his nickname. Boolicious."
"I don't know that person. I just wanted to let you know I had misdialed your number. Um. Have a good day."
"Ok."
"Bye."
...and Click.
My phone at this point was nearly dead so I turned it off as we finished our errands and grabbed a bite, etc. A couple of hours later, when I returned home, I plugged it in and turned it back on, I had two voicemails. One was from my neurologist's office confirming my appointment. Noted. Thank you, Caleb from Advanced Neurology.
The second went a little like this:
"Hey, this is Dave. Just returning your phone call."
