I saw this bulletin post on Myspace and it really struck me. Basically, you are supposed to add a secret to the list and repost. It's anonymous to the extent that you know who posted it last so you know theirs is the last one. So, in some senses, it really touched me how brave a lot of these people were and just revealed something they were ashamed of or maybe unashamed of, possibly even just tired of hiding. Some of them are downright hiding behind asinine comments because their secrets will stay that way and probably do not have the heart to look at themselves directly in the soul. Even the people who admit to singing in the shower said something. But the ones who said crap like "wow. y cant you just leave me the FUCK alone!? jeez-us. and hey other guy..who knows if i really love you or not. i sure as hell dont..sorry but what exactly is love?" are the saddest ones of all.
People's souls are amazing and yes so complicated and delicate. They are beautiful because they are messy and not neat orderly. I just want to point out the beauty in breakdown and happiness and that yes, beauty also includes shame, tears and pain along with endearinly tender love, joy and sweetness.
1. Chances are, I'm just waiting for you to let me down.
2. I'm in love with my best guy friend and don't know how to tell him but he's with a girl that makes him miserable.
3. I like her but i know it will never go anywhere.
4. He is still the only one whose insults affect me.
5. I sometimes miss my ex
6. I still love her and i dont know why and i break down and cry every night besides i missed being loved
7. I miss my Dad more than people think I do.
8. I keep quiet about things I shouldn't.
9. I don't know who I really am.
10.I miss my grandma mary more than anything in the world
11. i love sex with random people
12.i play basketball just because my grandma taught me and now she's gone :(
13. I know she doesn't have the same feelings for me that I do for her
14. My mom makes me feel fat, but I'm not
15.I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve enough not finding someone to be with and be happy.
16. I want him bad, but we dont even talk.
17.somwtimes people dont understand how you feel and hate you for the stpidest things.
18.im in love with the most amazing guy =]
19. I fell in love at the wrong time. Ended up hurting him and myself. We were going to get married. Man i messed up, I'm sorry.
20. so theres this guy......
21. i'm a compulsive liar. i don't know how to stop it.
22. I want someone who knows what I need without me having to tell them.
23.I still secretly talk to my ex, who now has a g/f. And little does he know it kills me inside because I still love him!
24. I only like the attention.
25.i say i'm over him, but i really fucking love him
26. i really like this guy that i know doesnt have the same feelings but yet i like this other guy and i just have never been so confused in my life i just want a guy thats not gonna use me and will treat me right i'm sick of all this bullshit. love me or not.
27. All I want to fucking do is play with some fucking pine needles because I can't deal with being so gay. I hate it. I hate looking the part. I want a man, but can I handle that?
28.i hate the person j am so when i call people fake i tel myself that...and i hae gne boy crazy, j got over one guy and ljke somone i am not spposed to
29. I wish my dad would die so i could inherit all his money "/
30. I cheated on him. and I regret it. Alot.
31. I wish I had the guts to leave him cuz it hurts.
32. I <3 him sooo much it hurts my own <3!!
33. I Love him and he loves me. Life is great! (PST! It's no secret)
34. I cheated twice, once with a friend
35. i like her but i don't know how to tell her. does she fell the same?
36. I want him really bad but I think all he wants is sex
37. I don't trust anyone.
38. I considered having sex with him because I thought he would change.
39. I want him so bad but he might like one of my best friends
40. i'm lying to try and get my ex back, even though i have a new boyfriend
41. I love making out w/ him, even though we both are taken.
42.
43. I'm afraid that if I make my move on him, you'll just hurt me like before...
44.I don't love him anymore.
45.i am so afraid he's going to hurt me.
46.
47. I talk about him more than I should.
48.
49. My smile is faker than you think.
50. i love her
51. i hate him
52. i am in love with a friend who is younger than me, but i think i screwed it up with my big mouth. i hope not, i would kill to be with him. and he doesnt even know it.
53.
54. I sometimes pretend to be someone else so I don't have to be who I really am..
55.
56. im afraid of commitment. =[[
57. i'm inlove with another man but live with my boyfriend...im sorry
58.I dont trust him, hes hurt me more than he realizes, so I just smile and act like everything is fine.
59. He changed me more than I let on.
60. i'm not sorry..
61.i would spend my life with him in a heartbeat
62.
63. I am in love with someone who i believe could never possibly love me in the same way i am lost and don't know what to do.
64. Sometimes i wish i were dead
65.i
66. wow. y cant you just leave me the FUCK alone!? jeez-us. and hey other guy..who knows if i really love you or not. i sure as hell dont..sorry but what exactly is love?
67. i love her but i dont want to go back out wit her even though i lover her to death.
68.
69. sometimes, i wish i could do to him what he did to me.
70. maybe i'm having a baby.
71. my mum was diagnosed with cancer recently, but all i can think about usually is how much i need a shag.
72. there are some people that i REALLY can't stand...such as a certain little troll who broke something that belonged to me...and it cost waaaaayyyyy over a hundred dollars to get it fixed...little bitch
73. I think life would be better if my chest size was larger.
74. i act like i'm over it, but i'm pretty sure everyone knows i'm not
75.i believe in him more than he knows..
76. i'm a month and half pregnant, and i'm already thinking of abortion.
77. He's made me believe in love at first sight again...
78. I love him with all my heart, and would marry him in a heartbeat!
79.Okay so, I'm in love with my girlfriend BUT all the girls keep chasing me! I have one that is in love with me and i feel bad because i can't give her everything, another one has a boyfriend but likes me a lot. I just met another one who keeps calling me and wants to hang out tonight. And the only one i want is my wife!
80. I blame myself for things I shouldn't.
81. im in love. completely consumed by it. i never want it to end and i'd do anything for him. i would do anything to make it last forever.
82. I want him back so bad
83. this is my favorite number of all time. wouldn't you like to know why...
84. I stand up for others, but let people walk all over me.
85.I wish he would realize how much i really love him and care about what happens to him!!
86.
87.i'm in love with two people
88.i'm not a virgin and he don't know it
89. i want him BAD
90. i think i might be pregnant. and i've told a lot of people, just not my best friend or the father..
91. ok well i like this one guy but hes in love with this other girl..and hes a total ass..and yah i hate him..but i like him
92. All I want is someone who doesn't leave when things get hard, but they all do.
93.I'm a LESBIAN and no one knows it
94. All I ever wanted was him, but even though he wants me I'll never let him hurt me again.
95. I want Daniel Jesonis soooo bad and im not gonna get him
96. I love him... but I hate him SO much.
97. He'll never know how much it hurts to see him care for someone else.
98. My only motivation for winning is so that my mom won't be dissappointed.
99. I love him...he has her.
100. I LOVE ERIC BERRY!
101. He gives me back that feeling I thought I'd lost for good...
102. I lost my virginity,after i said id wait for marriage.
103. random guys give me more attention than he does!! it can be tempting too
104.i want her but she dosen't like me that way atleast i don't think she does
105. i dont kno if i should or shouldent do it, u kno tell her how i feel or wait to be with someone else
106. i'm scared he's falling in love with me, when i'm in with someone else still
107.
108. im still not over him. tho i have a new bf.
109.
110. He used me, and tricked me. Though sometimes i still wish he was here.
111. I don't believe him when he says he loves me.
112. I am afraid of responsibility.
113.I like to photograph myself in sexy lingerie
114. i'm 17 and my dad still hits.....
115. I push people away when I need them the most.
116.i love him. i want to write music with him and he promised we would, but like all of his other promises, it fell short.
117.
118. I'm going to attempt to committ suicide this summer. I've talked about it before. But i've never been more serious than I am now.
119.i don't know how to tell her i love her...
120.
121.
122. I'm *secretly* in love with "Pete"(*Nammmed Changed for my sake) - Chaanel
123. i like one of my best friend's ex boyfriend
124. I am the most insecure person I know. I don't like anything about me and I show it.
125.
126.I wanna be with someone who doesn't even realize I exsist...
127.
128. I've thought about making a conspriacy plot to ruin my bestfriend and his girlfriend's relationship for 4 months, because I've madly in love with him...
129.
130. i want to marry you...i love you so much...im afraid of your friends and the decisions youre making right now....too bad you live 15 hours away. your with me every where i go babe.
131. I finally found something to hold on to and I'm so afraid I'm going to lose it
132. i really like my new boyfriend. but the baby isn't his.
133. he treats me like shit, but id die for him :D
134. i'm in love with one of my best guy friends but idk how to tell him or wat to do if he doesnt like me like that :(
135. I still love her!!!!
136. I like this girl but i dont know whats goin on with her .. if she likes me or what ... i really really like her and i would love to date her.
137. i only did it 2 teach him a lesson but he nvr learned it
138.im not as "pure" as everyone think i am.
139.
140.I love my ex who still talk to and I love my bf.
141.
142. my not so innocent anymore.
143. Arent we all guilty???
144.i told him i liked him, but it was a lie
145.you never know what you had untill its gone......
146. I'm falling in love with a guy who isn't my boyfriend. But I know he'll never even notice me for anything but a good time. I'm infatuated, but I'll never mean anything to him..
147. i cheated on her
148. I hide the bodies right in fron of their eyes. and i don't know who i am, and i can't stop what i'm turning into. and i love her. and i told her. and she didn't respond. but it was expected. THEY PILE UP.
149. You always want what you can't have!!!!
150. Im scared to lose you.
151. I love him.... but i dont know if he loves me back
152.Lifes hard, get over it
153. I have a serious case of Coulrophobia (look it up retards)~Shanna
154.i fear my wife she'll come at me like a spider monkey!!!
155. if i add it then it wont be a secret!
156..I GUESS SOMEONE'S SECRET IS OUT, LOL!!! IT'S ABOUT TIME D.L.
157. I FEAR I WILL DISAPPEAR
158. I like All-American Rejects.
159. When I get pissed off, I still put in my Fiona Apple CD and sing at the top of my lungs whist driving on the highway.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Pulic Bathrooms and Variances Thereof
When I'm out and about running errands, eating, lurking in video stores for discount DVD's and what not, I am most definitely the person to ask where the nearest bathroom is. I have come to realize cash registers emit a frequency that agitates my bladder upon entrance to any store which requires any sort of browsing, lurking or waiting around.
Usually when I go out to eat it's on the way home or I go to someone's house to slouch around and make really witty comments or, on some occasions, sit silently and end up dozing off because of a very boring movie having been shoved in for viewing "pleasure." Thus, I don't usually take usage of restaurants' facilities. In general, I'm not a fan of public bathrooms unless I really have no option. Let's face it. People are disgusting and they act more disgusting in public than they do in their own home for some reason. Possibly because they know there are people being paid to clean up after their non-flushing, drippy, toilet paper throwing, non-hand washing asses. "Oh! I can weigh myself and get a personal message and free lottery numbers on this scale, though! Score!" Yeah, that's one contraption this gal ain't touching.
However, in the last couple of days I have used a couple of public restrooms and one of them was at Red Lobster. I drank a lot of iced tea and had to make water before I left the premises. I was in the smallest stall in the universe which, to make matters worse, opened inward, so I had to scale the top of the door and swing over the door and land on the back of tank. Luckily, I was wearing my Kaf Kaf flip flops with great foot grip, sold only at your local Greeley head shop and just as comfy as your $70 Berkenstocks (not that I don't own a pair of those, mind you, but they aren't that geared for scaling bathroom stalls). Once in and utilizing the loo, I notice the drain in the floor located to the right of my foot. There seems to be an inordinate amount of fuzz, like lint and dust bunnies, as well as tips of straw wrappers that oddly didn't seem to match the type I received with my iced tea, and other odds and ends. Now this wouldn't seem so odd except the bathroom smelled of roses. I even commented on this to my Mom in the next stall. We enjoy critiquing bathrooms through the stalls. Sometimes other bathroom goers will chime in as well. Sometimes. Also the floor was immaculate so it wasn't as though we were in some sort of seedy rest stop with crap drifting all over the floor into the drain. I made an observation about this to my Mom who could not see the drain but she was busy having problems getting her fair squares out of the dispenser and there was some sort of pounding noise going on. I didn't want to get involved, not being the handy sort. At worst she has gotten to the stage where she carries napkins in her purse and I wasn't worried about her.
Then, today I was at Kmart getting a new rug for my dining room and some kitchen towels because somehow I have none. I have no idea where they went. They seem to go the way of my socks--one use only! This annoys me because I enjoy kitchen things so immensely more than socks. Kmart is weird to me and I think it smells a bit like stink bugs. I don't understand the people who do the buying for the clothes department. I'm not exactly sure who is going to believe that a woman wearing a quasi-camo shirt with the word "ARMY" spelled out in rhinestones in a brush script font is actually in the Armed Forces but that person is not me. Nor am I going to fork over $14.99 for it. I thought it was hideous when Kathy Ireland was involved with Kmart but they seem to have driven even her off and well, I don't know who is her heiress to the women't clothes department but they seem to either live in the jungle or sell real estate.
Yes, we are on our way to the bathroom. But so is all this crap as the bathroom is located wayyyyy in the back in the layaway department. I loathe Wal-Mart but at least they have bathrooms both in front and back of the store. Fuckers. They're evil and brilliant. At some level. Kind of like Martha Stewart. How did they not team up? How is her wagon still hitched to Kmart's dim star?
Meanwhile, wayyyyy back at the bathroom, I once again find myself staring at a floor drain. In this case, I have sort of had to wade through paper towels, odd items drifting around the floor, making sure to keep my hands at my side as I peer into the stalls to find a toilet that has managed to be flushed, oddly difficult in today's discount shopping world, and enjoy entering a roomy stall that opens outward. As I'm tapping my foot and waiting for things to happen (I get stage fright sometimes) I notice how immaculate their drain is. It appears that they might even take a toothbrush to it or get the ShopVac out. Screw the rest of the bathroom. The drain is where it's at.
This all seems so odd.
In a place that smells oddly like urine and Fig Newtons, the drain is immaculate, while the rest of the bathroom looks like hell blew through on a roadtrip to well, hell and threw all its snack wrappers out the window in this very spot. On the other hand, a rosy scented eatery with flowers or whatever was in the vase on the sink counter, was filled with filth and grime.
It just goes to show you how you can't judge a person by how they look. You have to look at their bathroom to really tell.
The Blog That Wrote Itself
I went to the most incandescent party last night. I mean, a Ludacris coverband? With a singer that sounded like Groucho Marx and looked like Marcel Duchamp. Maybe I wasn't feeling fear enough to enjoy it. I can't wait for the baptism. It will be like an awesome sitcom! And I'll be the star. Anyone who's ever been to downtown knows what I'm talking about. I really can wait. Lavish me with rain. Why aren't you lavishing? Does anyone know where I can find some gravity? Preferably juicy? I'm hoping for some good feedback. I went to the most dead party last night. I mean, a Wilco coverband? With a singer that sounded like Napoleon and looked like George Carlin. Maybe I wasn't feeling melancholy enough to enjoy it. But come on people. At least try. Wasn't it naughty today?
::townspeople rejoice:: *fingers crossed* The farm is unreal! Today I slept until 6.
I can't wait for the wedding. It will be like an awesome sitcom. And I'll be a wacky neighbor. Anyone who's ever been to Ground Zero knows what I'm talking about.Totally worth it, though. That's what's up. I can't wait! I really can wait. So I might be moving to a kingdom by the sea. I hate honor, but especially when I'm walking. When appearing it isn't so bad. I wish island could keep. Or at the very least destroy. I cut a picture of a danger out of Bubble/Chewing Gum World and sent it to Marsha. -winces- There, made up my mind.
I was all: Why not? I said so, didn't I?
And they were all: I am the fog, you know.
Me: I am the baby you know.
Them: I remember that.
Me: It's not that simple.
Them: Voice is a mistake, a giant mistake!
Me: Me too.
Them: It's true! Don't laugh.
Me: Self-doubt!? The salmon that might flood your brain with water?
Them: Don't interrupt!
What's with that? OMG. Sexy.
Has anybody else noticed everyone waiting? Part two will be available soon! It's like a new golden age! I talked to Harper about it and we agreed: dejection! Liam has a fecal matter and shapeshifts. I want a historian I don't have to bite. Let's keep philosophising, everybody! I'm really looking for someone with the following trait: can throw things in the air and catch them in their mouth 77 percent of the time. Do you like kindness? I do I do so provoke me. At least I'm honest.... This is a MAJOR CHAIN STORE! Damn right! ::townspeople rejoice:: So many boats. LOL! I need to buy a new bird. The old one is solar. I can go in to more detail if you want to know.
Ever since the woman accident, Finnegan has been feeling clever. I can go into more detail if you want to know. I tried to recruit Rike, and Phoebe to help out but they were too full of utter contempt. I understand. Amazement!? The island that might flood your brain with wire? At least I'm honest.... Death... I notice it happens to lovely people a lot. *fingers crossed* Lavish me with car. Why aren't you lavishing? It was lovely? Funny you should ask. I can't imagine! Wasn't it sad today? It's a promise! Next order of business; spread the word that there will be a nice yard sale at my house pretty soon, and I can guarantee anything you could buy at our yard sale will be so much cooler than anything you'll find in any normal New York City yard sale. ROTFLMAO!
:) I like Salt Lake City, but I really want to be closer to Mirror Image. I'll have my own fish on Thursday... yes! I just saw the play:
#0 Mirrors.
today. I thought it was fearsome. The ending made me feel kindness for 5 hours. Hmmmmmmmmm..... Totally worth it, though. UPDATE: I've drifted. UPDATE:
Has anybody else noticed everyone working? At least I'm honest.... It's like a second golden age! I talked to Andrew about it and we agreed: fear! Lara has a apple and crosses eyes. That may not be a reason why! Oh snap! I thought I saw a zombie today, but it was only Liam. If they didn't drag their hair, it wouldn't be so confusing. And if they didn't mutter "hairssss" under their breath. Oh well! Plus: I love the arm. Plus: I love the elbow. I have very weird friends. like Ovid382 - does a dead-on Madonna impression. Lol! But do you know who you are? Supah kawaii. I'm addicted to flaws. Does anyone know where I can find soem light? Preferably slender
Ever since the abacus accident, Jackson has been feeling sorrow. I tried to recruit Mirror Image, Shulamith, Maeve, and Bennett to help out but they were too full of pride. I hate wind, but especially when I'm convalescing. When walking it isn't so bad. I wish alarm-clock could heal. Or at the very least dream-speak. I cut a picture of a donkey out of Water Scooter Business and sent it to Fiona. I'm hoping for some good feedback. Advice?? There's more to it that what you strike. Now you see why... It's all wicked. We're doomed! You'll thrill to anything. Hmm? I can't imagine! Thrill through this! Damn right! It's a promise! I know this is true because of the following reasoning: That is a wind? Hugs from Irrigon, Oregon! -winces-
?
I went to the most criminally negligent party last night. I mean, a Spoon coverband? With a singer that sounded like Garrison Keilor and looked like Courtney Love. Maybe I wasn't feeling drunk enough to enjoy it. But come on people. At least try. Gawd. This is a MAJOR CHAIN STORE! Looks like someone needs a weekend off! Ever since the oil accident, Harper has been feeling ambivalence. I tried to recruit Aldo, Kate, Bennett, and Ansel to help out but they were too full of wonder. Lame! Half the girls got sick. I'm hoping for some good feed-back. I can go in to more detail if you want to know.
I'll have my own bell on Thursday... yes! OH ITS ON in the manner of donkey kong! Can we say "Thanks everyone! ."? It was sooo funny. There, made up my mind.
::townspeople rejoice:: *fingers crossed* The farm is unreal! Today I slept until 6.
I can't wait for the wedding. It will be like an awesome sitcom. And I'll be a wacky neighbor. Anyone who's ever been to Ground Zero knows what I'm talking about.Totally worth it, though. That's what's up. I can't wait! I really can wait. So I might be moving to a kingdom by the sea. I hate honor, but especially when I'm walking. When appearing it isn't so bad. I wish island could keep. Or at the very least destroy. I cut a picture of a danger out of Bubble/Chewing Gum World and sent it to Marsha. -winces- There, made up my mind.
I was all: Why not? I said so, didn't I?
And they were all: I am the fog, you know.
Me: I am the baby you know.
Them: I remember that.
Me: It's not that simple.
Them: Voice is a mistake, a giant mistake!
Me: Me too.
Them: It's true! Don't laugh.
Me: Self-doubt!? The salmon that might flood your brain with water?
Them: Don't interrupt!
What's with that? OMG. Sexy.
Has anybody else noticed everyone waiting? Part two will be available soon! It's like a new golden age! I talked to Harper about it and we agreed: dejection! Liam has a fecal matter and shapeshifts. I want a historian I don't have to bite. Let's keep philosophising, everybody! I'm really looking for someone with the following trait: can throw things in the air and catch them in their mouth 77 percent of the time. Do you like kindness? I do I do so provoke me. At least I'm honest.... This is a MAJOR CHAIN STORE! Damn right! ::townspeople rejoice:: So many boats. LOL! I need to buy a new bird. The old one is solar. I can go in to more detail if you want to know.
Ever since the woman accident, Finnegan has been feeling clever. I can go into more detail if you want to know. I tried to recruit Rike, and Phoebe to help out but they were too full of utter contempt. I understand. Amazement!? The island that might flood your brain with wire? At least I'm honest.... Death... I notice it happens to lovely people a lot. *fingers crossed* Lavish me with car. Why aren't you lavishing? It was lovely? Funny you should ask. I can't imagine! Wasn't it sad today? It's a promise! Next order of business; spread the word that there will be a nice yard sale at my house pretty soon, and I can guarantee anything you could buy at our yard sale will be so much cooler than anything you'll find in any normal New York City yard sale. ROTFLMAO!
:) I like Salt Lake City, but I really want to be closer to Mirror Image. I'll have my own fish on Thursday... yes! I just saw the play:
#0 Mirrors.
today. I thought it was fearsome. The ending made me feel kindness for 5 hours. Hmmmmmmmmm..... Totally worth it, though. UPDATE: I've drifted. UPDATE:
Has anybody else noticed everyone working? At least I'm honest.... It's like a second golden age! I talked to Andrew about it and we agreed: fear! Lara has a apple and crosses eyes. That may not be a reason why! Oh snap! I thought I saw a zombie today, but it was only Liam. If they didn't drag their hair, it wouldn't be so confusing. And if they didn't mutter "hairssss" under their breath. Oh well! Plus: I love the arm. Plus: I love the elbow. I have very weird friends. like Ovid382 - does a dead-on Madonna impression. Lol! But do you know who you are? Supah kawaii. I'm addicted to flaws. Does anyone know where I can find soem light? Preferably slender
Ever since the abacus accident, Jackson has been feeling sorrow. I tried to recruit Mirror Image, Shulamith, Maeve, and Bennett to help out but they were too full of pride. I hate wind, but especially when I'm convalescing. When walking it isn't so bad. I wish alarm-clock could heal. Or at the very least dream-speak. I cut a picture of a donkey out of Water Scooter Business and sent it to Fiona. I'm hoping for some good feedback. Advice?? There's more to it that what you strike. Now you see why... It's all wicked. We're doomed! You'll thrill to anything. Hmm? I can't imagine! Thrill through this! Damn right! It's a promise! I know this is true because of the following reasoning: That is a wind? Hugs from Irrigon, Oregon! -winces-
?
I went to the most criminally negligent party last night. I mean, a Spoon coverband? With a singer that sounded like Garrison Keilor and looked like Courtney Love. Maybe I wasn't feeling drunk enough to enjoy it. But come on people. At least try. Gawd. This is a MAJOR CHAIN STORE! Looks like someone needs a weekend off! Ever since the oil accident, Harper has been feeling ambivalence. I tried to recruit Aldo, Kate, Bennett, and Ansel to help out but they were too full of wonder. Lame! Half the girls got sick. I'm hoping for some good feed-back. I can go in to more detail if you want to know.
I'll have my own bell on Thursday... yes! OH ITS ON in the manner of donkey kong! Can we say "Thanks everyone! ."? It was sooo funny. There, made up my mind.
Might As Well Face It, My Legs Are Going To Vegas!
They've finally done it. They've finally developed a drug that cures something and then lists the cure as a side effect.
Welcome to Mirapex Town!
Let me back up a little. Say you're a little restless. In your legs. I don't know, bored. You've gone camping. Done the swimming thing. Golfed a little. But maybe you want something a little more than that. So you find yourself restless. In your legs. What do you do?
Why not call up your friends? You've been itching to plan a trip to Vegas for awhile and hey, those buffets are calling to you. Man, last time you went, you took some mushroom and it was a wicked good time! Plus, this time, you're not passing on some nice classy strippers!
Mirapex feels you might have a problem.
Mirapex feels you might have Restless Leg Syndrome.
Let's go to the board:
What are the Possible Side Effects of Mirapex?
"There have been reports of patients taking certain medications to treat Parkinson's disease or RLS, including MIRAPEX, that have reported problems with gambling, compulsive eating, and increased sex drive. It is not possible to reliably estimate how often these behaviors occur to determine which factors may contribute to them. If you or your family members notice that you are developing unusual behaviors, talk to your doctor."
What the hell? I don't know about these Parkinson's people but I'm assuming they want to have a good time, too. I've worked with them and they're just like the rest of us. They enjoy life. Maybe they want to throw some craps, eat some all-you can-eat crab legs and well I don't judge, so go ahead and be safe and grab some ass! It sounds like Mirapex just doesn't want you to fun.
Check out what else I found:
"When taking MIRAPEX hallucinations may occur and sometimes you may feel dizzy, sweaty or nauseated upon standing up."
Alright guys, I've seen this and it had nothing to do with having Restless Legs (Syndrome *snicker*) I believe the cause of these symptoms was a "special" tea brewed from "special" mushrooms grown cow plop. The person who experienced these horrific side effects eventually, and I quote "threw up hell." If they came up with a medication that cured the side effect causing you to throw up hell, I would be a little more amenable to accepting the validity of this medication.
But what do they claim Restless Leg Syndrome "technically" is?
"It begins as a strange feeling in your legs that seems to get worse until you stand up and move around. Deep inside your legs you can feel burning, creeping, and crawling sensations that are hard to describe, even to your doctor. Meanwhile, you cope with your condition the best you can."
Hmm. So, again, hallucinations. Possibly this is closer to acid or something due to the descriptions of creepy crawlies.
It is my opinion you take responsibility for your desire to feel the wind in your hair, to throw the dice, to eat everything on every buffet in Vegas and well, take part in the pleasures of the flesh. That restlessness in your legs? That's cabin fever pulling at your toes. That's a signal to hit the road in a black 1963 Cadillac and leave your cares behind.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
My Interview With Michael!
THE Michael is the man behind the man behind the man behind the man. Or so he just said. He's also got a cricket for a pet and is my best friend. I decided to interview him because he set the world record for unnecessarily telling me, "Calm down!" He's even doing it now. We'll try to make this quick because he wants to buy some furniture today. Everyone meet Michael!
1. Welcome to your interview Michael.
Thanks, Wendy
2. First off, tell everyone how awesome I am!
What the hell? What kind of interview is this? Now you're typing all that. I see. You're a 27 awesome. Awesomes? It needs to be a scale or unit. A, uh, segal. Like Stephen. You are 27 Segals. Of awesome.
3. Out of what?
It's open-ended. It's like saying like 100 degrees out of what? It's not clear how it works.
4. Okay. Um, Thanks for clearing that up. So do you have any predictions for the coming holiday season for us?
Um. The trendy toy will be....ahh...I don't know.
5. 27?
I don't even know what that means.
6. No one does. That's the point.
I don't get kids these days.
7. That's probably not a subscription you want.
Oh I get it.
8. Anyway. What's your favorite Internet site?
Um. *sigh* I don't have like a favorite. Boing Boing is pretty good. I like reading everything on Boing Boing. I'm pretty excited abut Gmail right now too. Gmail is a good thing.
9. Because you get 27 messages from me a day?
It has nothing to do with the number 27.
10. It does now. Michael, what do you do for a living?
I work a computer at a print shop.
11. So...you just hit buttons?
That's kind of like asking a surgeon, "So you just cut people up?" While it's technically true, it doesn't really describe the work.
12. What is your favorite smell?
Pizza.
13. What is your favorite food?
I suppose that's pizza too. I think pizza is the perfect food.
14.Sorry we had to stop to debate something. Anyway. If Christopher Walken and I were in a fight, not a battle of the wits, mind you, who would win. Bear in mind, my slapping ability.
Is it a dance fight?
15.NO. We're not in middle school eating corn dog pizza.
Please to answer.
Even if it's not a dance fight, I think Christopher Walken would win, but by a much narrower margin.
16. Hmm. I'm just thinking about my slapping ability, but okay. You have a cricket right now, for a pet. Not on purpose, but still...Will you miss it when it's gone?
I won't miss him. He's not very affectionate.
17. Do you kind of want like a small pet that's cricket sized?
No.
18. Why not? Maybe something cuddlier?
I'm not really in a pet kind of place in life these days.
19. If you were, what would you get?
A small, mellow dog.
20. You know those don't exist, right?
No, I've seen 'em. My grandparents had a black poodle for a very long time named Bertha. It was very sweet.
21. You should get a toy poodle and carry it in one of those Camelback water bladders.
I'm neither gay nor retarded.
22. Oh that's right. You've a few years to go before you quit working. OH! What are you wearing to Bernadette's wedding?
Hmmm. What kind of wedding is it?
23.Cool, of course. It takes place at an organic farm and then the reception is at an art gallery. The Rembrandt House in Boulder.
Course brown jacket with stitching, a mustard yellow shirt, dark jeans, Doc Martens (in funny voice).
24. Neat! Now I can plan my outfit! Now after 24 question let's get down to brass tacks. How many drug charges have you been brought up on?
Zero. Is that unusual? That's not funny.
25.How serious are you about your filing system?
80% serious. Do you want to know more about it?
26. Yes!
I never throw any bills away. I think I have my bills from the last four years stapled by year in filing cabinet B and all of this year's bills in filing cabinet A. I have kept almost all of my pay stubs ever.
27. Wow. That's impressive.
Not really. Doesn't that lie in the realm of unneccesarily obsessive? I mean, who has all their pay slips forever? Who has last weeks payslips? I guess some people have them for the year. I figure what the hell I'll just keep it.
28. If you're ever audited, you'll be so okay! But you'll never be audited. So, okay!
29. You and I share a habit of collecting concert and music concert tickets. How many would you say you have now?
I don't see a lot of movies in theatres so I wouldn't say I have a lot of them, but they cover a long history. 100? Maybe 100? 6th sense! Heat! Hard Five? What would that be? What else is interesting? The first one is Memoirs of an Invisible Man. I decided to keep tickets when I watched it with my parents. Fierce Creatures! Fifth Element! Last of the Mohicans. Maverick. Illegible (note: not a movie). Wing Commander! That is the prize. That is the most important one of all.
30. How cool is it that you share a name with a horror movie monster? Or serial killer?
Ohhh. Just because my first name is Michael. There are lots of people named Michael. My name sounds a lot like Michael Hutchence.
31. I know. But he killed himself and that's depressing. Plus I was just thinking about that new movie..uh, Halloween while you were on Intermission. You just told me you went as Michael Myers for Halloween once. That's ironic! How was that?
It was nice.
32. Did you have to wear your coat over your costume?
No.
33. Someone was spoiled.
You have no idea. I lived next to Warm Springs. It's a street in Boise that has a mile of the oldest houses in town and sometimes people would give whole candy bars to trick or treaters. Even better was that Warm Springs has such a reputation for trick or treating that very few people went down the side streets, so the few of us that did would get all the candy.
34. Again, someone was spoiled.
I also had two British sports cars and a Miata before I was 18.
35. That's it. By the way he's not even kidding. He showed me pictures of himself sitting in his British cars. That's it. We're having corn dog pizza.
That doesn't make any sense.
36. Neither does having all that candy, not having to wear your coat over your costume AND you had two British sports cars and a Miata before you were eighteen. Thus, some sort of corn dog product is going in my face today.
I'm okay with that.
37. GOOD. Now I want my corn dog. Everyone say goodbye to THE Michael as he rides off on his unicorn into the sunset.
I don't have a unicorn.
38. Liar.
1. Welcome to your interview Michael.
Thanks, Wendy
2. First off, tell everyone how awesome I am!
What the hell? What kind of interview is this? Now you're typing all that. I see. You're a 27 awesome. Awesomes? It needs to be a scale or unit. A, uh, segal. Like Stephen. You are 27 Segals. Of awesome.
3. Out of what?
It's open-ended. It's like saying like 100 degrees out of what? It's not clear how it works.
4. Okay. Um, Thanks for clearing that up. So do you have any predictions for the coming holiday season for us?
Um. The trendy toy will be....ahh...I don't know.
5. 27?
I don't even know what that means.
6. No one does. That's the point.
I don't get kids these days.
7. That's probably not a subscription you want.
Oh I get it.
8. Anyway. What's your favorite Internet site?
Um. *sigh* I don't have like a favorite. Boing Boing is pretty good. I like reading everything on Boing Boing. I'm pretty excited abut Gmail right now too. Gmail is a good thing.
9. Because you get 27 messages from me a day?
It has nothing to do with the number 27.
10. It does now. Michael, what do you do for a living?
I work a computer at a print shop.
11. So...you just hit buttons?
That's kind of like asking a surgeon, "So you just cut people up?" While it's technically true, it doesn't really describe the work.
12. What is your favorite smell?
Pizza.
13. What is your favorite food?
I suppose that's pizza too. I think pizza is the perfect food.
14.Sorry we had to stop to debate something. Anyway. If Christopher Walken and I were in a fight, not a battle of the wits, mind you, who would win. Bear in mind, my slapping ability.
Is it a dance fight?
15.NO. We're not in middle school eating corn dog pizza.
Please to answer.
Even if it's not a dance fight, I think Christopher Walken would win, but by a much narrower margin.
16. Hmm. I'm just thinking about my slapping ability, but okay. You have a cricket right now, for a pet. Not on purpose, but still...Will you miss it when it's gone?
I won't miss him. He's not very affectionate.
17. Do you kind of want like a small pet that's cricket sized?
No.
18. Why not? Maybe something cuddlier?
I'm not really in a pet kind of place in life these days.
19. If you were, what would you get?
A small, mellow dog.
20. You know those don't exist, right?
No, I've seen 'em. My grandparents had a black poodle for a very long time named Bertha. It was very sweet.
21. You should get a toy poodle and carry it in one of those Camelback water bladders.
I'm neither gay nor retarded.
22. Oh that's right. You've a few years to go before you quit working. OH! What are you wearing to Bernadette's wedding?
Hmmm. What kind of wedding is it?
23.Cool, of course. It takes place at an organic farm and then the reception is at an art gallery. The Rembrandt House in Boulder.
Course brown jacket with stitching, a mustard yellow shirt, dark jeans, Doc Martens (in funny voice).
24. Neat! Now I can plan my outfit! Now after 24 question let's get down to brass tacks. How many drug charges have you been brought up on?
Zero. Is that unusual? That's not funny.
25.How serious are you about your filing system?
80% serious. Do you want to know more about it?
26. Yes!
I never throw any bills away. I think I have my bills from the last four years stapled by year in filing cabinet B and all of this year's bills in filing cabinet A. I have kept almost all of my pay stubs ever.
27. Wow. That's impressive.
Not really. Doesn't that lie in the realm of unneccesarily obsessive? I mean, who has all their pay slips forever? Who has last weeks payslips? I guess some people have them for the year. I figure what the hell I'll just keep it.
28. If you're ever audited, you'll be so okay! But you'll never be audited. So, okay!
29. You and I share a habit of collecting concert and music concert tickets. How many would you say you have now?
I don't see a lot of movies in theatres so I wouldn't say I have a lot of them, but they cover a long history. 100? Maybe 100? 6th sense! Heat! Hard Five? What would that be? What else is interesting? The first one is Memoirs of an Invisible Man. I decided to keep tickets when I watched it with my parents. Fierce Creatures! Fifth Element! Last of the Mohicans. Maverick. Illegible (note: not a movie). Wing Commander! That is the prize. That is the most important one of all.
30. How cool is it that you share a name with a horror movie monster? Or serial killer?
Ohhh. Just because my first name is Michael. There are lots of people named Michael. My name sounds a lot like Michael Hutchence.
31. I know. But he killed himself and that's depressing. Plus I was just thinking about that new movie..uh, Halloween while you were on Intermission. You just told me you went as Michael Myers for Halloween once. That's ironic! How was that?
It was nice.
32. Did you have to wear your coat over your costume?
No.
33. Someone was spoiled.
You have no idea. I lived next to Warm Springs. It's a street in Boise that has a mile of the oldest houses in town and sometimes people would give whole candy bars to trick or treaters. Even better was that Warm Springs has such a reputation for trick or treating that very few people went down the side streets, so the few of us that did would get all the candy.
34. Again, someone was spoiled.
I also had two British sports cars and a Miata before I was 18.
35. That's it. By the way he's not even kidding. He showed me pictures of himself sitting in his British cars. That's it. We're having corn dog pizza.
That doesn't make any sense.
36. Neither does having all that candy, not having to wear your coat over your costume AND you had two British sports cars and a Miata before you were eighteen. Thus, some sort of corn dog product is going in my face today.
I'm okay with that.
37. GOOD. Now I want my corn dog. Everyone say goodbye to THE Michael as he rides off on his unicorn into the sunset.
I don't have a unicorn.
38. Liar.
My Mom's Blog
My Mom and were driving down the street yesterday, on our way to retrieve my art work from my show (don't cry, there will be other shows) when she bursts out with the following tirade as she swings around a corner:
Mom: "I am so going to blog about all the trash in my parking lot! What the hell does blog mean? Blog. B-log. Why do they call it that anyway?"
Me: (incredulously) "Mom, do you have a blog?"
Mom: "No, I don't but I have to complain about the fact that these idiots pull up in their cars and then just place their beer or Mountain Dew or whatever bottles right by their car! Oh my God, it's so hard to just walk five feet to the dumpster or take it into your apartment, where you're going anyway!"
Me: "Why don't you just tell that Chanelle chick who can't spell that is the manager of your apartments?"
Mom: "Oh yeah! She puts up all these notices that say, 'Take care of your home and pick up the trash' but it's really all her friends who are doing it! Like, what is this? A hotel for her friends?"
Me: (still wondering where the blog comes in): "And you're going to blog about this?"
Mom: "Well, yeah, I mean I have to say something about it! Get it out there, you know? Obviously, the dregs, and by dregs, I mean Chanelle, who run that place won't do anything!"
Me: "You really don't know what a blog is, do you?"
Mom: "No! But that is not the point here!"
Me: "It kind of is. I mean I get that you're angry about the trash, but you do know that blogs are not letters to important people who will smash an angry fist upon the trashy people?"
Mom: "Why are you always treating me like I'm senile?"
Me: "I'm not! Geez! You're all worked up about this trash but I'm just saying you have to have an actual blog to 'blog' about something. That's all."
Mom: "That's why I'm going to write one!"
Me: (looking out the window) "Oh look. A parking space by the door. Sweet."
Mom: "Yeah! Is that door even open?"
I have to say I am constantly charmed by my Mom's latest efforts to be "high-tech." At Christmas, she bought herself an HP Slimline PC and then there was a week where I had to try to explain wireless Internet to her. Finally, I just started telling her wizards were behind it whenever she brought it up. This seemed to calm her down. She paid to have Best Buy's Geek Squad show up and set everything up for her. She was amazed that the dork that showed up had a secret agent type uniform and remarked excitedly, "They drive a little VW Bug that says 'Geek Squad' on it! He even gave me his card and it has a 'badge number' on it!"
My Mom has discovered Amazon.com and various cloth websites. One of her favorites to cruise, though, is the FiestaWare web site where, not only can she pile up new colors and dishes, but she can get their "retired" dishes. The retired dishes are actually the best. They have the retro colors and the brightest colors the dish company is famous for. The more modern colors, ugh, are basically dumbed down for boring people who should be ordering from Laura Ashley or some shit. I always manage to come out ahead though when she cruises the retired section because they have odd rules about ordering. For instance, when she just wanted one small bowl in eggplant, the rule was that she had to order three. So she chose a yellow one and an orange one to appease the FiestaWare gods. Thus, I now own a small orange Fiesta bowl. I also have an orange plate.
Don't get her started on fabrics. She's a hardcore quilter. Now the Internet has entered her life, she's found an unending supply of cloth at her fingertips. The day the Dick and Jane cloth arrived was practically a national holiday. I was barely allowed to touch it, though I desired a dress made from it. Badly. However, I was informed that she only ordered a small amount because, for some reason, it's wicked expensive. She has since found some retro cowboy/cowgirl fabric that's pretty awesome and is convinced there is some Nancy Drew cloth out there. I would have to insist on a dress made out of this if I had to sell my soul for it. I would dig up all my money for enough for a Nancy Drew dress.
Amazon.com has provided her with a veritable wealth of new ways to do things to cloth. She has four books on Stump Embroidery, which I am actually going to try my hand at. Amazon can be a cruel bitch, too, though. One day, as we were walking from the car, the famed Chanelle approached us, excited, screeching, "Your Harry Potter book arrived! I have it in the office! Let's go get it!" Inside I was screeching, "Yes! Let's go get it! You ordered Harry Potter!" My Mom responded, quizzically, "I didn't order the new Harry Potter book..." To which I said, "Who cares? You got it, dude! It's here and I'm going to eat it up! Let's go! Let's go!" Turns out the brilliant Chanelle read the name wrong on the package. So I suppose it's not Amazon.com that can be a cruel bitch. Chanelle is just a grammatically incorrect Potter tease.
My mom also has an email address. She actually checks it, too. If you would like to write her a nice note and say hello, it's nita.ralph@yahoo.com. She loves mail from new friends. (As long as you are not Playgirl or the Hoveround folks. She didn't think that was funny at all...after two years. So, if you are either of those folks, don't contact her. I already played that joke on her).
Mom: "I am so going to blog about all the trash in my parking lot! What the hell does blog mean? Blog. B-log. Why do they call it that anyway?"
Me: (incredulously) "Mom, do you have a blog?"
Mom: "No, I don't but I have to complain about the fact that these idiots pull up in their cars and then just place their beer or Mountain Dew or whatever bottles right by their car! Oh my God, it's so hard to just walk five feet to the dumpster or take it into your apartment, where you're going anyway!"
Me: "Why don't you just tell that Chanelle chick who can't spell that is the manager of your apartments?"
Mom: "Oh yeah! She puts up all these notices that say, 'Take care of your home and pick up the trash' but it's really all her friends who are doing it! Like, what is this? A hotel for her friends?"
Me: (still wondering where the blog comes in): "And you're going to blog about this?"
Mom: "Well, yeah, I mean I have to say something about it! Get it out there, you know? Obviously, the dregs, and by dregs, I mean Chanelle, who run that place won't do anything!"
Me: "You really don't know what a blog is, do you?"
Mom: "No! But that is not the point here!"
Me: "It kind of is. I mean I get that you're angry about the trash, but you do know that blogs are not letters to important people who will smash an angry fist upon the trashy people?"
Mom: "Why are you always treating me like I'm senile?"
Me: "I'm not! Geez! You're all worked up about this trash but I'm just saying you have to have an actual blog to 'blog' about something. That's all."
Mom: "That's why I'm going to write one!"
Me: (looking out the window) "Oh look. A parking space by the door. Sweet."
Mom: "Yeah! Is that door even open?"
I have to say I am constantly charmed by my Mom's latest efforts to be "high-tech." At Christmas, she bought herself an HP Slimline PC and then there was a week where I had to try to explain wireless Internet to her. Finally, I just started telling her wizards were behind it whenever she brought it up. This seemed to calm her down. She paid to have Best Buy's Geek Squad show up and set everything up for her. She was amazed that the dork that showed up had a secret agent type uniform and remarked excitedly, "They drive a little VW Bug that says 'Geek Squad' on it! He even gave me his card and it has a 'badge number' on it!"
My Mom has discovered Amazon.com and various cloth websites. One of her favorites to cruise, though, is the FiestaWare web site where, not only can she pile up new colors and dishes, but she can get their "retired" dishes. The retired dishes are actually the best. They have the retro colors and the brightest colors the dish company is famous for. The more modern colors, ugh, are basically dumbed down for boring people who should be ordering from Laura Ashley or some shit. I always manage to come out ahead though when she cruises the retired section because they have odd rules about ordering. For instance, when she just wanted one small bowl in eggplant, the rule was that she had to order three. So she chose a yellow one and an orange one to appease the FiestaWare gods. Thus, I now own a small orange Fiesta bowl. I also have an orange plate.
Don't get her started on fabrics. She's a hardcore quilter. Now the Internet has entered her life, she's found an unending supply of cloth at her fingertips. The day the Dick and Jane cloth arrived was practically a national holiday. I was barely allowed to touch it, though I desired a dress made from it. Badly. However, I was informed that she only ordered a small amount because, for some reason, it's wicked expensive. She has since found some retro cowboy/cowgirl fabric that's pretty awesome and is convinced there is some Nancy Drew cloth out there. I would have to insist on a dress made out of this if I had to sell my soul for it. I would dig up all my money for enough for a Nancy Drew dress.
Amazon.com has provided her with a veritable wealth of new ways to do things to cloth. She has four books on Stump Embroidery, which I am actually going to try my hand at. Amazon can be a cruel bitch, too, though. One day, as we were walking from the car, the famed Chanelle approached us, excited, screeching, "Your Harry Potter book arrived! I have it in the office! Let's go get it!" Inside I was screeching, "Yes! Let's go get it! You ordered Harry Potter!" My Mom responded, quizzically, "I didn't order the new Harry Potter book..." To which I said, "Who cares? You got it, dude! It's here and I'm going to eat it up! Let's go! Let's go!" Turns out the brilliant Chanelle read the name wrong on the package. So I suppose it's not Amazon.com that can be a cruel bitch. Chanelle is just a grammatically incorrect Potter tease.
My mom also has an email address. She actually checks it, too. If you would like to write her a nice note and say hello, it's nita.ralph@yahoo.com. She loves mail from new friends. (As long as you are not Playgirl or the Hoveround folks. She didn't think that was funny at all...after two years. So, if you are either of those folks, don't contact her. I already played that joke on her).
Mistaken Identity Date
(This blog is actually a blast from the past of something that happened months ago but is was SO awesome I had to share it!)
I know I said I wouldn't date again until the surgery was over with. However, it seems everytime I say, "I'm going on a diet!" or "I'm a vegetarian!" or "I'm totally going to water this new plant!" I immediately set myself up for failure. It isn't that I have no self control. Far from that. Dieting, well, when I give it a name, it makes me miserable and I gain more weight. Being a vegetarian is stupid for me because I pretty much love vegetables more than anything else anyway but yeah, I love a rare steak once in a blue moon, too, and resent having that taken away from me. As for the plants, well that's a whole other blog. There is a ginormous plant at the end of the hallway of my building that doesn't appear to have a home, though and I think I might go drag it into my apartment. Let's just say it's compulsive and eventually, I will (!) have beautiful house plants.
You can see where this is going. I decided to go on a date. If you know me, (and if you don't, then just finish the sentence), I am friends with primarily men so of course, I have scooped all the good ones in town for friends. It's no good to shit where you eat. So that leaves me with other options for meeting men. Yes, internet dating services. So what? All the cool kids are doing it and I am a cool kid. Don't doubt it!
I had been emailing "D1", as we'll call him for the purpose of the story for a short while and we seemed to have a decent amount in common. He lives in Fort Collins and knows about what is going on in my life. "D2" (if you haven't caught on, they have the same exact name) emailed me on the actual site and I vaguely remember going, "Um....Yeah, no." after speaking to him on the phone. This was awhile ago and D1 and I have exchanged phone numbers to arrange a date to go to Roma tonight. Bear in mind that I spoke to D2 on the phone before I was on meds and it was quite awhile ago. Also, it was before I had spoken to D1 on the phone and was months ago, so I barely remember his voice. Actually I don't remember it at all.
Thus, when D2 texts me, "I've got things covered at the office. Do you want to go to a movie?" Heck yes, I do! I haven't been to a movie in ages! At this point I'm thinking D1 just wants to move our plans for today to yesterday, (which is when all this occurred, in case you're confused). Consarn texting (in this one case!) because I thought D1 was at work or something and that's why his name didn't show up on his text or phone call. I don't know! I'm freaking medicated! Logic and reason fly out the window! Plus weirder things have happened! Read on!
D2 calls me for directions which I give him. They seem straightforward and simple. I'm not sure how much more simple I could get. He says he'll call me when he gets to the gas station just off the Interstate, which I think is odd but okay. I am directionally retarded so possibly he is too. He, then does so and I ask him how far onto Highway 34 he is. He says he is at the gas station. I'm thinking, "Wow, this guy is literal. I kind of meant when he passes the gas station. He meant he was actually getting to the gas station." It is then that he says, "You remember I drive a motorcycle right? Inisde my head I do not remember this as D1 never mentioned it in his emails or anything and mentione that I did not or said something like, "Oh, I forgot." I was informed that he can only pull over to talk, which made the whole literally going to the gas station to talk a lot of sense. I give him further directions, all the way into Greeley and he decides to stop at the King Soopers plaza to call me further. However, when he calls me, he is at the Safeway near my house. He has somehow made it there. I don't know how. I'm pretty sure he took the first business exit even though I told him not to. I tell him the shortest way around the block to my house and meet him out front.
I quickly discover that I am not meeting D1 for a movie. Who the hell is this guy? I know what D1 looks like! Then he says somethting that jogs my memory. He says, "Well you've never seen my picture but I've seen yours so I hope you don't think I'm a total ogre." D2! Holy crap! This is D2! I have just agreed to go out on a date with the guy I have been avoiding and why he has contacted me after all this time, I don't know. He's actually kind of a fuckwad too. I decide we're going to see the new Halloween. I want to see it because I've been wanting to see it and well, D2 has some sort of weird rule about only wanting to see R-rated movies, but also Rob Zombie directed it and I enjoy his movies, despite his obsession with clowns.
I'm a little freaked out because what if I have a seizure while on the motorcycle but decide to throw caution to the wind. I've never been on one and actually it's glorious. It bothers me a lot that he doesn't have helmets so I am saying to the universe, "Please don't let me get splattered on the road on a date with D2. Okay? I would wear a helmet, it's just he seems to be of the persuasion that helmets are uncool and your brains on the highway are supercool." By the way, if you call his voicemail, he refers to himself (okay I'm giving names away here, but seriously, this is too much!!!) he refers to himself as "SupahDave!" Holy Christ! I find this out only after the actual "David" calls me while we are in the movie and I get the message when I get home and I tell him about the mistaken identity crisis.
Now the masks are off I can tell you SupahDave thinks he is the shit. He is also like in his late thirties and they are not treating him well. I am not attracted to him AT ALL. I would definitely date someone in their late thirties if they had not tried to slip Diet Coke soaked ice down my shirt and cop a feel at the same time. Hey SupahDave! I'm trying to watch the damn movie! Also he thinks I should feed him Milk Duds. What? When I tell him he is being too forward, he settles down for a few, but then tries to feed them to me, attempting to shove his windburned hand into my mouth. I'm like "No! Jesus! What the hell is this?" He then proceeds to tell me I should kiss him and pushes his lips against mine and I'm all, "Look Dr. Octopus, I don't think so! You're really pissing me off."
So, I ended up spending my viewing of the new Halloween with SupahDave and not the pleasant David, who is actually coming up for pizza at Roma. SupahDave, in all his years had never seen a horror film besides "The Shining" and his only comment? "There was lots of gratuitous sex." I was wondering where he was during the violence and slashing part. Oh yeah. Trying to put ice down my shirt, amongst other things. I have filed him with my ex-roommate who has never heard of Burt Reynolds and the other roommate who lived with us at the time who got knocked up by her boyfriend but wasn't sure whether or not he had both of his testicles. SupahDave can ride off into hell for all I care and well, the actual David is looking forward to a slice of pizza today.
So am I, now that everything is cleared up.
This, my friends, could only happen to me and my sitcom of a life.
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